Alas, a song that goes hand in hand with my feelings right now.

The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Iis harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...

I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...




and after all that have been said, i only miss one girl.
i miss my ex girlfriend. and you'd have to kill me for me to stop
missing her. she's forgotten all about me, the one who always made a point to be there for her.




IM QUITTING SMOKING!!
i guess before any complication arises. i should.
hopefully this will be my last box. and then, no more.
maybe not completely stop. i'll only smoke during work.
not because its stressful, but because i get to have short breaks.
hehe. can cabot smoke, go toilet see people.

i called my mum, and told her i will quit soon, right after this box, and she's happy again. :):) i noticed when i make my mum happy, i, in turn feel happy.
okay, off to meet my friend. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D




people have been asking/telling me. why am i so emo in my blog.
but really, in real life? nah. ive been great all along, though i wont lie, i do have my low points and such. but most of it is because fo the sad songs i listen too. haha.

apart from commando, i dont mind joining guards.
the one with the khaki beret. although its gonna be so goddamn tough, i'll use that opportunity to build up my body into shape. but the best part of these two, is the parachuting part. im so excited!

though i would love the idea if i could take my pri dip before ns. but anyways, im gonna get it so yea. i will do it.

eh, you look like the prettiest princess girl in the whole universe and the galaxy. even pretty britney spears lose when you wear a skirt/dress. i wonder how come you didnt wear them the last time round.




on a short note,
I WANT TO BE A COMMANDO. REALLY.

on a shorter note,
im happy. really, really.

on a side note,
FAZIR IS NO LONGER A BABY!
only 4 holds the secret. me khalid shaik and fazir.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.




contrary of my previous posts i said about a new khairul.
sorry my bad, my mistake.

i dont change, i only cancorrect myself and be better.




hmm.. its 2am now. and i guess im able to make a proper entry with the most appropiate feelings and words...

im still heartbroken i must say, its nothing of a big deal actually. im trying my hardest to not think about this anymore, and i probably should stop talking about you, because everytime i tell my friends about you, they get angry and told me to get over it, in pure honesty, its really hard. I bet my bestfriends are sick of me talking about this, but ive yet to hear them scolding me. perhaps thats why they are my bestfriends. They always end up joking about it and we'll all end up laughing.
they are really important to me, we may not meet everyday but still. i love them. the rest are just insignificant.

next, NS is looming around the corner, sometimes, i wonder, what am i goona do after my NS, like where do i go, and stuff. but i guess, i'll be taking up a dip course. make it a point to go through it with decent grades. then take my safety course. and i'll just be contented. somehow, i just know, that i'll make it in life. i just know it.

talking about things to get/do before NS, ive got approximately 3? 4? more months of school to go. i'll be giving my all and then im over and done with it. i pretty much hate school actually. i mean i shouldve really studied for my O's but i guess it a tad too late for that. i'll still look towards the future.

My mum's upset after she learned that i was smoking. i think, before i get really addicted to it, i should stop. not because its bad for health, but because i want to make my mum happy. yes we do argue like all the time. but whatever it is, nothing surpasses my love to her, not even god. honestly i will hate god if He takes her away from me.

Ive just cleaned my room again. and im still drafting my weekly general plan. Its like a weekly-based objectives. like every week, i must have atleast done 100 pushups, 100 sit ups, facial, clean my room twice, and etc. im going to ditch my carefree/lazy life. i want to be more goal oriented and ultimately more organised.

i should stop listening to angry songs, rap/metal music does influence me, they make me an agnry boy. and thats not good. and i guess thats all for me tonight. i guess i'll be having those broken hearted dreams again. sometimes i dont wish to fall asleep, because thats when i always see you, and seeing you, sinks m heart lower, and its already down on the seabed. and it hurts even more that you dont care anymore..

cest la vie,khai. cest la vie
goodnight, tonight.




hmm... i got so much things to share actually. :)

first of all.
Ive got some stuffs to do before i land and surrender myself to National Service.
ive got approximately 12 months time before i do that, and about 3 or 4 more months of school. after school. i'll be working like mad cow.and hence, alot of cash flows.

i'm enquiring about having braces, and ive been thinking about it for quite awhile.
placed on my lower set of teeth that is, the growing wisdom tooth on both sides have pushed the front row crooked. and yes, if its not too expensive, i'll go for it.

scrap bikes, its not so important, not yet atleast.

then after braces, i want to go for a facial treatment, get my face all smoothened out and squeaky clean. :):) then i'll be happy. enough of trying to make things better for people, ive been so busy doing that, that i forgot about myself. its time for me to pamper me. oh i deserve, im worth it.

tune in next year, a new khairul, will rise.




i want to backpack around the world before i turn 25.
DIE DIE. i dont care if i go alone. i want to experience the world.
the real world. anyone up to it?

1st thing's first. we need to save 8k-10k.
then thats all we need. haha.




Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder




shit, this is so frustrating.


im thinking of getting another bike.
im feeling KTM or vespa.
im gonna use my own money to get em of course.
it would be my own personal achievement.

but i think KTM would most likely be the one.
i like em dirty. and continental :P

patience. i will get it. i just have to work harder.




Happy birthday to you,
im happy for you. :)

anyways, i want to share ive been listening to non-stop. addicted perhaps.
or simply, it just does mean something to me.

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

Matchbox 20 - unwell




today is the 5th and tomorow would be a big day for someone.
turning 18 is a big thing. and i hope you'll have the bestest birthday ever.
i'll always include you in my prayers, wishing for your safety and happiness.
when i sti down and think about it. That was what ive ever wanted for you, to be happy, and i guess now, even at the expense of myself.

We may no longer be friends, heck not even on talking terms. strangers. an estranged one alright. i'll always treasure the times we had together.
and of course, you'll always be on my mind, and my heart. and whoever has a problem with that, can go suck dick. i dont care about anyone else, accept my family myself and my bestfriend, and still, you.

so, happy 18th birthday(not today, tomorrow), nur atiqah azman. now that youre "legal" go buy ciggs, and shine your ic to the cashier. and i'll conclude with. you are sorely missed. but.. im still happy to see you happy. goodnight. :)

on another note,
WORK IS TIRING!.




dear,

because these words are not easy for me to say;
i guess i can live without you,
but without you i'll be miserable,
i guess i can live without you,
but without you i'll be miserable.. at best. :)




frankly? honestly?

ive been doing great recently. all along, really great. i mean there isnt really anything for me to feel bad/sad. Ive got a pretty cool job. and im still in school, last year. PES A for NS. my family feels more closer together. My dad no longer screams/scold me. im pretty happy with my own cashflow. my bestfriends still by my side. and i think i'm doing good. really. perhaps the down part is the smoking part. i think ive been smoking way to much. average 2-3 days per pack is not good. i couldve gone to 1 pack per day if i dont really try to control myself abit. oh well.

i miss you. i dont care if i said you wont hear from me anymore. :(




so sad, this year round i wont get to be there for you birthday.
always made a point to be there and celebrate with you.every 6th.
i guess you wouldnt want me to be bothering you on your birthday.
i'll probably just dedicate an entry on the 5th.




I think i learn something about myself.
I tend to fall for Scorpios easily.
like, almost all the girls ive a sense of attraction are scorpios.
i saw this girl at the arena during the halloween party.
should've just talked to her. oh wells. anyways.

the kind of girl that sets my radar blinking,
indian looking/scorpio/a little shorter/speaks good english.
reminds me of my ex girlfriend. hmmm...
maybe perhaps, if i dont get you, i'd get someone who's like you.
maybe nicer? hmmmmm. :) oh wells. dream on khairul.
stay focused on your goals for now.

Khairul Anwar
TwenTEEN
29/12/1988
Singular
Driven







Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is Mystery, Today, is a gift. That is why it is called the PRESENT

Exit.

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