and so. been studying good now. pretty much stabilized myself.
and arniz coming over tonight to help me draw my walls, and decorate.
im gonna buy 5 4R photoframes, each a picture of me and my bestfriend.
Adi, Khalid, Arniz, Fazir and Andi. perhaps, i might just buy extra 2 or 3 for
who knows future bestfriends, and an empty frame for somebody. and a perhaps a bigger one for a picture of my family.
i will only post up the pictures after i finish decorating it.

next monday is puasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
ive been singing, "wake me up when ramadhan ends." by greenday.
but i already promised miss amaliiiiiii, that i'll fast for 4 days.
ahaa. then every year add one day. its a process. :):)
then we'll all go visting in 4 cars this year.. wooo.
drivers of the year: KHAIRUL, khalid, fazir andi. wootwoot.

its such a shame, its such a shame, its such a shame.
our eyes dont meet, the same level, the same depth, anymore.
my heart, ran wild, celebrating the presence of love.
but couldnt you see, couldnt you feel? didnt you believe?
so sad, beginnings has endings. and that ours with a burnt note,
and a burnt soul, and a burnt heart. everything? was at odds on us.
Red-eyes squidinked hearts pulling teeth. so right yet so wrong.
my bet and guess, the sun doesnt rise from the west. its just not meant to be.
oh i am fine. i am strong. but this strength, will miss the affection and the significant feeling pressed against each other, so tight, yet so comfy.
god bless your soul.

i hope when the clouds subsides and the sun on our side, one will see.




:)
some people are just so plainly amusing. entertaining. in malay, they say, kelakar rabak. bagero. hahaha.

anyways, exams coming soon. 2 weeks to be exact, im all good with event management.
but i accidentally threw away my business administration book when i makeover my room. FOCK man. im so screwed. but i guess, i'll just need to copy down notes during breaks and P.E. lessons.

i miss my gfs.
that means, jannah, syafiqah, ain and hanis.

ive been meeting new people, my age.
and ive realised that i always reflect people's behaviour.
good on good, bad on bad. bitchy.. oh well that one youre on your own. :)

you make me the happiest boy now. i like you. :) alot.




:) im feeling happy. and contented. and also i feel ive covered so many things during the past few days.

ive been thinking alot. how stupid ive been. MISTAKES ive made. i guess, ive learnt alot too. saturday, i studied and covered a couple chapters on event management. its been long overdued for me to start studying, but well, better late than never. i want to aim for a 3Gpa this time round. then i can pull back my overall gpa up again. i just need a 2.75gpa to join BCA(Building and Construction Authority) or agency i forgot. Afterwhich i can take up construction engineering. since singapore is an ever-constructing city. i envisage a huge opportunity with huge rewards at the end of the tunnel. and im working my way there. for real this time.

i will put my money where my mouth is :)

NS, as usual, National Slavery. waste my 2 years in a bid to turn myself into a "man". Right. -.-. anyways, big things, big things awaits. its just how bad i want it. SURELY i will get there. i know i can. you know i can. keep reading okay? you'll see. hahaha. why? do you feel that its you im talking about? a malay proverb i remembered "Siapa makan chili, Dia lah terasa pedas." :) go on tell people how bad i am, how ugly i am, how stupid i am. i shall not retaliate anymore, 1stly, i cant be bothered, 2ndly, whatever you say is just a reflection of yourself. and pray alot that your children wont get the drift. if you get my drift. bring it on. i'll suck it all in. and then i'll smile it all off.

ive painted my room. green,champagne brown and grey. its getting cosier and looks more and more like MY ROOM. just need to hang up some picture frames, my bass and some other decorations to finish it off with perfection. a project long overdued too. but i finished it. :D happyyyyyyyyy. gotta go ikea soon! yay. and amalina has already agreed to go with me since i got lost and she loves ikea. it'd be a great DATE. hahaha. yes DATE. :P:P:P.

i think im tripping. no,
i think im falling.
falling again, but its a different kind of feeling.
you might,
you might just be the one who sweeps me off my feet.
and treat.
treat me the way i deserve,
i might be just.....
falling in love. :D




supRA busy right now. come back during the weekends. a big suprise. :)




im having butterflies in my tummy all over again! :)
haha. now, all i would need is someone who believes. and actually does. :) x 2.

well, now i realised that my bestfriends are such darlings. yes we do have our differences but they all were they for me. and i want to be there for them too.
its time to move on. throw the clothes, burn the photographs.
for all that was worth was just... nothing at all. its just the biggest mistake ive made i guess. and im taking back all my remarks and the things ive called you. im just gonna leave it as it is. :)

"Endings make new Beginnings" haphappy.




you know my mouth, i know your wounds.
you know i know, i know you know.

:)




played soccer at 9 just now, and my legs hurt so badly now, i got hit with studs, a super shot to the chest and my knee is battered. i didnt warm up cause i was late. painnnnn. :( how i wish i can tell someone, confide, tell them how bad my day was, how painful my leg is, how much i miss you, and anything you'd say would make my day.

talked to somebody, and i was also reminded about another somebody who gave me advices, strong advices. what if, all that im writing, all the time missing you, all the thoughts about you, all the confessions i made here on my posts. what if, she's laughing and smirking at me? telling other people that im such a loser and a wimp. what if she's laughing and making a joke out of me? maybe you did talk ill behind me, letting others have ill and negative thoughts of me. maybe i deserve it? maybe not. but what i know is, ive never talked ill behind you. complain? maybe. but i do it in your face. but i dont know, sometimes i dont think straight.

but you, its almost impossible for me. i guess, when i miss you, all i could do is hold your tshirt and cuddle up in bed and just let my thoughts of you and me fly through and i'd smile everytime i remember you say you love me. cause i did too, with all my heart. i can pretend im alright, that i have nothing to lose, that im okay and moving on. but whats the point? im done pretending. ive lost my world, my pillar of strength, my everything. im nothing without my annoying,beautiful,smart and lovely significant other. and everytime, my phone would ring or a message alert i've always wished it was from you. checking on me, or just leave me random songs or just an ily. i want you, you, only. :(

on a lighter note, my cousins and bestfriends are joining the beach soccer at sentosa on 31august. we will be getting a teva jersey. :) and if we win, fabulous prizes. i cant wait. but i swear i'd go black if i dont wear sun block. wish me luck.




Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you.

maybe its not that i cant move.
maybe its just that i dont want to.




my parent's on their way to JB. my baby brother is at some religious class and going out to my aunts. im home. alone. damn, haha. got alot of choices i can make though. like going out or inviting someone over. but what the hell, i rather be with myself. could used you help though but fuckit. :) so i guess, i'll start studying and work on what ive promised myself. get a decent gpa since i already fucked my 1st year grades.

i really hate the sun, its so bright my eyes hurt if i dont wear my shades. thats also partly why im not going out. i left my shades in the car, and my dad is driving it to JB. ERGH. i really like driving. i drove myself for self-enjoyment around tampines and pasir ris alone last night, or rather morning 1am. haha. speaking of which, somebody used to bet with me over my car license. Trapped her into making a bet with me. haha. coffeeclub or what. and whenever i mention about me getting my license, she'd always say, get first then talk. well, in your face now aye? :P
and that little miss stubborn still have yet to wait till november. want to drive jag or beemer eh? "GET YOUR LICENSE FIRST, THEN TALK." ;) hehe.

im getting really fat now. i need to run at least 3 times a week. or 2. 5 rounds in the stadium. but the thing i really hate about myself is im so godamn lazy. i couldve done so much better with everything, if it wasnt for me being lazy.

oh wells.
somewhere over the rainbow, i know i will find you. lets start over, my friend.




Cause it was you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it was you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I still can't keep my eyes off of you

what a hot day. :)




i want to dance like this. taik sejuk (cool shit)






hmmm.. reminisces and i cant help thinking.

what now, that i can say is that i've told you before.
i wanted to m* you. but i was afraid of going into a relationship
with you now. because if we were to fight and then break up. i might lose you forever
and we would end up not even talking to each other.

the very thing i said, and was afraid of. came about. how true.
im just sad about this la ah. the worst thing is that, not even a second went by,
that i dont think of you and your wellbeing. whenever i see you, my heart drops.

boohoo for me right? :) i know youre reading. i know.




just what i need to briefly explain...

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple girl
So I could feel alive

I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean
I don't know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I'm hunting you down

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?

I always thought I'd be your man
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like you'd be a good companion

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life.

i will hold my head high, i will be strong.




no matter how good life can get. it'll always be hard for me to feel complete again.




Hari Raya coming soon!. and NO, dont start about the puasa with me. cause i aint talking to you. really stfu if you want to preach to me about puasa. or rather, lemme rephrase okay?

"EH BODO, AKU TAK PUASE LER, AKU TAK SUKE, AKU SUKE MAKAN. MAKAN SEDAP TAU, ADE LONGTONG, ADE BAGEDIL, ADE RENDANG, ADE KFC, ADE LONG JOHN SILVER, KORANG NAK PUASE KAU PUASE AH, TAK DAPAT ALL OF THE ABOVE AH. OKAY? OKAY BYE."

puase tanak. hari raye nak. dapat duit dapat drive dapat jumpa sanak saudara.

met the bestfriends and we went to ECP Lagoon cause i simply love the mutton chop(ah, ni lagi satu, sedap tau. tak makan rugi) anyways, didi came and joined us, then she said, "Eh, khai kau brush up ah, acting, director suke kau, dier cakap kau gerek, nanti kite nak panggil kau lagi." WAH, ADA BAKAT. hahahaha. anyways, thats quite a suprise, i think acting really sucks away your energy. but i think i wouldnt mind trading my energy for the fun. and i finally treat all of them since i passed my TP and my dad gave me extra cash before my parents left for KL. i told them, "AKU NAK BELANJE KORANG NI, BUT TEH TARIK ONLY, TAKE OF LEAVE." all of them wahhhh, like first time i treat them only. all were shouting yes yes yes. Wahlau, FOO FOO FOO FREELOADER. haha.

hmm. hari raya, would be the day when people ask for forgiveness. hmm... i guess i got alot of people to ask. damn it would be so awkward. but there's definitely one person i want though, for now i'll just be hopeful.




i just got back from driving my dad's car!. yes. he let me drive.
after all the sulking. he was trying to talk to me, but i just kept quiet, then he said, okaylah come, follow me bring down the car from the mscp. i was smiling and grining actually, but i didnt want to swallow my pride so i kept a sturdy face.

SHIT. my nose is bleeding! as im typing now. must be the durian just now. :S
i felt like vomitting when i ate the durian. but anyways, yea. the job interview was cancelled. -.- damn. i need a job pronto. so many things to buy.

current wishlist:-
1)new bowling ball and bag
2)Sony Vaio
3)XR400
4)Class 2a license
5)New skate shoes.

im still happy that my dad let me drive. wee. but but but...

wont you come over and hug me and tell me everything's alright? and kiss me and say you love me more than anything else?




TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REACHED MY GOAL!!!!!!!!!
i broke my personal best record. and i think its time for me to get a new bowling ball and bag. :):):)


in case you cant figure that out, its 222 baby. :D
personal best now. hehehe.
im so happy.

start with a triple X, end with a triple X. woot.

tomorow job interview!.




...So came 5th of August.

I got 8 points for my TP.

2 points for 2 attempts on Parallel Parking.
2 x 2 points for inappropiate gear.
2 points for failure to signal in good time.

in OTHER words, no bad aye for a first timer and a PRIVATE candidate.
there was only 2 people i wanted to msg the most. my mum and -.
but sadly i had to settle with mum. when i was calling her, i was so happy. but i dont know why but i felt like crying. hmmm... strange.

so, next goal. pretty decent GPA, 2.5 or 2.8.
i want to make my mum proud of me again.

thanks to Nurul, Nabilah, Andi and Mummy for the well wishes. :D:D
i feel relieved now. on a smaller goal target, Class 2a. hehe.
but that one wait until i start my job. speaking of which,
i'm having a job interview together with khalid, fazir and adi at EHub tomorow. wee.

on a bad note,
my dad is being a retarded fucking jackass a MOTHER one. asshole. he said, i cant drive. he told me to wait and be patient. fuck you kla. i pass already what. and i think i drive better than you. da tak kasi sudah ah, nak bising2. cheebye.




a bestfriend, could just be your best enemy.
because they know all about you, every single damn thing.
i know, i have been both.
but its sad to lose a bestfriend, a confidant, your own everything.

but, sometimes thing can just never work out.
perhaps god has something else in store for me.
something better....






















damn, i already miss the kids, and the fun i had shooting this episode.
beats any kind of job. its really tiring and time consuming, but it flies so fast you never get bored. and not even once i felt like going home. its the funnest thing i ever went through. made new friends, and help alot on my confidence.
i want to act again soon!. so fun! haha. and good money too. wheeeeeeeeeee.
im gonna buy a new bowling ball soon. time to go a new level up. see i even hit a new record, personal best 194. hehe. 6 more points to 200!!! till then, i will not be satisfied. grr




Abstinence. Mhmm.. i love the feeling that im able to control my emotions and actions. ommm... haha :)




i think ive decided that, im not going on a relationship anymore. not now, soon maybe? but i think i'll just stick with dates, if theres any. but if there isnt then it still fine though.

Acting is fun. seriously. althought the recent one is really tiring.
but GOOD money. i like. :)
the girl who put on the make up for me was Marina Yusoff.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOTTSTUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. She's like the epitome of perfection.
hot to the maximum. i decide to spark some conversation with her, but then she's married. !@#!@#0*)@#!. wahlau. Almari Ajaib. thats the name of the show. its a tv series, with andi, me, shaqirin, fazir and arniz all as extras. really kinda fun.

made a new friend along the way again, Didi. okayla, she quite nice. anyways moving on. But things big things up ahead. remember, the last laugh. :)

priority:-
1) clean face
2) build up body
3) bike
4) try to get into poly
5) get my qualifications.

slowly, but surely.
oh you know i'll get that.
its not about how you get there, its geting there, the objective.
the end justifies the mean.




i guess i can live without you, but without you i'll be miserable at best. :)

so many things and not enough time. i'll post up a proper entry soon.




how would it feel,

when you get to hug the person who matters?
suddenly all the pain goes away.




Hello how you doing?
What's it like to ruin all my self esteem
Let me blow off some steam
For 5 years I've waited,
So why am I jaded to get back at you
What makes it cool

Like the toilet seat never got lifted
And I pissed on your confidence
When you weren't around, how can that be?
Don't turn this around
You were the one
Who drove my ass right to the ground

Someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
You broke this down
The best thing, the best thing,
The best thing that you never had

ismy. :)

Khairul Anwar
TwenTEEN
29/12/1988
Singular
Driven







Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is Mystery, Today, is a gift. That is why it is called the PRESENT

Exit.

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