7/16/2008 09:07:00 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
it often helps going through shit and came out of it still in one piece. though sometimes torn and tattered,
STILL in one piece.
well, from the recent shit, i think i've been out of it pretty much. and ive learnt something valuable, that, if it doesnt kill you, it can only make you stronger. i think i am much more stronger that before, knowing that i went through it alone. although i have my faithful bestfriends around. and words or advice and inspiration from friends too. :p. but yea, most of it, i went through it alone. like the lonely nights. ergh. its a killer i tell you. to tell you the truth, i didnt had anyone to talk to during that times. most of them were probably sleeping. so yea.
í'll have more control over myself, i wont give "my world" to anyone. i can only merely treat them as an extension of myself. because, if they were to ever go away, i am still myself. and i wont feel too shitty about it. i went through it once, and my mistake was giving her "my world" and ive said it before, when she went away, she took all of me with her. i was devastated, but i slowly mended myself, and i grew a whole new person inside. its still khai though. only equipped with more experience. and i can safely say that suprisingly im turning into a more patient person. though i'd admit, i still need iron self control to supress the uncalled bouts of sudden flippancy of emotions. and i will never let my emotions get the better of me. thats fo'sho'.
so what was love to me?
well, first off, i'd say. it was the love of my life. really. the good things ive said. was all too real. the bad? well, lets just say, i wanted revenge. like you said, revenge is sweet.
well, knowing the times you were in hurt. i too, was secretly hurting inside. i was thinking of ways to make you feel better. empathy, you could say that. The very milisecond you went away? i was starting to miss you already. The things i did for you? right down from the bottom of my heart. I'd die just to see that smile on your face. silently, you swept me off my feet. its raelly the fun times we had, that was all worthwhile. sometimes we would be hurting from arguments and fights. i didnt care though. it was worthwhile. really. but oh wells. :)
i know theres more to life now. i see every inch of it. envisaging what i would become. its oaky if anyone would laugh my claims off now, for i know i will have the last laugh. im really looking forward whats in store for me. and i will embrace each endeavours with open arms and loving life. okay, seriously. i just need to say this. its a word ive been keeping in my chest locked. sayannnnngggg. its not entitled to anyone for now. but its a word that gives me goosebumps.
cést la vie.
