5/26/2008 04:23:00 PM
Monday, May 26, 2008
i guess what im gonna say, is gonna sound mushy and make me look foolish, will show that im going against the words ive said.ignoring what my dear close friends have told me so. But.. i think i need and want to clear this out. With a heavy heart of course.
i dont know whether im selfish. stuckup. egoistic. whatnots.i mean, i feel that whenever im with -, i chuck it aside.being with -, for that short period of time. i felt it was ages. which was really good for me. i wanted to stop time even. its not that i cant move on now, or im just a loser whom dwells over his lost and shits. i seriously know, that some of you reading, and perhaps -, you might not care, might. Im not angry though.
I just starting to miss, sharing my life with -, yea, i agree with you saying that you'll be here and meeting me and stuff. but ít wont be the same. its not that im assuming. its just that, i question myself, what did you want me for? its this question it all boils from. i wont go deeper into this. i really did mean what i say to -, every single word. from the songs lyrics ive sent, to the ones i made my own.
flashbacks when we just sit around at my place, we would just hug and stare at each other and smile, it all seemed certain. ever wondered why i didnt stop doing those small suprises for you? it was because everytime i did it, you would give me that long stare and smile, afterwhich i felt so shy and try to make you stop.
im tired of sitting here, looking and waiting for you to make your moves. putting my hopes so high and hoping you would reciprocate my actions. you did, and you always left me feeling so happy i swore i'd never leave you ever. You can choose how you want to lead and live your life now, like you said, you'll manage it with flying colours, im really sure you will, im not being sarcastic. But you cant tell me to be around, waiting for YOU to be ready but then dont tell me you want me, and it means the whole world to you but you cant give your 100%. Cant you see, it was all about YOU. i was being so selfless that i didnt cared for my feelings. i do complain to you at times, but thats just 1% of it. i bet you didnt know how bad i felt when i ignored my feelings so that you would feel happy. If you love me, why must you hesitate? If im not good enough for you, say it to me honestly, dont make me wait and accompany you until you find the person you want and leave me hanging and at the end of the day when youve found someone you like, ditch me. by then you wont feel anything, you wont care.
They'll say that im stupid, always giving in to you. always being there for you, thinking about you. thinking of ways to suprise you. Ultimately, letting myself be used by you. Dont say that i deserve someone better, in my opinion after all i've been through and done, dont you think i deserve you? treating me better? but i guess, its no use to say anymore. But i really love you so much and care for you, even if it means hitting my head on the wall, sucking the life out of me. I want you to be happy, and i hope you know that, i'll still be here if you need to confide, a secret or you need to bitch about something. I'll always find the time to listen and comfort you. i know i can do that, and i mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
I dont know, but i think maybe its time for me to choose how MY life will go about.
i may be dumb to not take the time to realize who would truly love me, and not just say it but do it. actions speak louder that words. you should know that. But I think, maybe im just scared that i didn't want to find the world in someone, because if she ever goes away, she'd take my entire world with her. But ive already found the world in you, and i guess you took my world away. And this is why im letting you go, perhaps its better for you. i dont care if im gonna end up alone for the rest of my life. let's just see. but.. whatever it is.. i'll alway cherish you and the good times we've had. I sincerely am sorry if i made you cry or feel sad and bad. really,
If you ever think that, i'm the one and good enough for you. i'll be glad to hug you again and love you like nobody's business. but be sure youre ready for it and love me for who i am. im sorry and i loved you and only you, with all my heart. Goodbye
sayang.
